*Too Frack’n Busy…Part VIII
*What happened in the world this week while you were in the oil patch and were too frack’n busy to notice ?
Are those Bakken bucks just piling up around you and you don’t know what to do about it? Sure, you could invest in retirement funds, the stock market, real estate or gold, but hasn’t all that stuff been done already? Those investment opportunities are so 50 years ago. BORING. Last week readers enjoyed www.dudeiwanthat.com so much, that I thought I would spend a little more time this week finding unique things for you to blow your cash on. I’m not a financial advisor or anything, but you should find these suggestions from our friends at www.bradfordexchange.com most helpful…
Contemporary eagle fan. Contemporary? Let’s not get carried away. As opposed to what? Antique eagle fans of yesteryear? Few things say, “I’ve run out of things to spend my money on” like a bronze statue of an animal that doubles as a fan. Some people view these novelties as conversation pieces. It is difficult, however, to have a conversation when an item begs just one question: why? Why not just tether a real eagle to a post in your living room and poke him until he flaps his wings. That should cool you off quite nicely. It should also place you squarely on PETA’s hit list. Better stick with the contemporary eagle fan for just $125.00.
Replica ceremonial warrior headdress wall décor. Native American history isn’t my forte, but I’m guessing there isn’t a self-respecting warrior, anywhere, who would wear this thing. I looked up images of REAL warrior headdresses and oddly enough, I didn’t find any with eagles painted on them. Still, in fairness, this isn’t meant to be worn. It is meant to be hung as “art” and proudly displayed on your wall so if you are a fan of The Village People then by all means spend $29.99 on this. It is, after all, offered exclusively through The Bradford Exchange and “high demand is expected, so order now.”
Simon Lauren’s pose-able baby orangutan doll: There’s a line into disturbing and we just crossed it. The description suggests we: “Cradle in your arms the sweetest simians around with this lifelike baby orangutan doll.” Okay. What would you do if you walked into your buddy’s place and he was “cradling this sweet simian”? You’d probably call the dudes in the white jackets, right? But wait, there’s more. Bradford Exchange also wants us to know that the orangutan dolls are: “Handcrafted of RealTouch® vinyl to capture every lifelike detail right down to the folds and creases in their hands and feet, each pose-able orangutan doll in this collection begs to be pampered with gentle wisps of hand-applied auburn hair.” Wow! Pose-able AND hand-applied auburn hair? We can have all this AND cross over into full blown dementia all for only $99.99? Much like the warrior headdress, “Strong demand is anticipated, so don’t delay. Order now!”
The ultimate dragon fantasy cuckoo clock. It seemed appropriate to end this list of suggested investments with a cuckoo clock. “Experience a fantasy art battle of the beasts each hour with this dynamic dragon décor. Dramatic medieval details include a swinging “medallion” pendulum and two shimmering decorative “blades.” Plus, a tiny sculptural dragon emerges to mark each hour with a victorious roar!” This is the perfect accent for that Budweiser mirror and wolf throw blanket you won at the fair a few years ago! At only $149.95, you can take this theme to the next level with a dragons playing poker figurine collection, a dragon wallet and a dragon leather jacket. That should pretty much cement your single status for awhile.
*Note: Please seek traditional media outlets for real news and headlines. This feature is only meant to distract you from the daily grind of the oil fields for a few moments and add some levity to your day .
Connect with Kat’s special brand of sarcasm and sass via her Synergy Station Directory listing and follow funny freelance on Facebook
